Life is full seasons, parenting is full of seasons, and most importantly raising a child with a bleeding disorder is full of seasons. Most often when I look back over the seasons the most obvious of seasons are that of survival, like getting from one day to the next or one walking through a fog of doctors’ appointments and hospital stays. But the last few weeks has caught me in a new season, a sweet season of new beginnings.
Prior to each comprehensive appointment at our hemophilia treatment center, we are mailed a long questionnaire asking a variety of medical questions. There is one section that has a note asking if the child is 12 or older to have them answer the question. As I was filling it out, I thought let’s see how much he actually knows. I was not expecting the response I received. He accurately told me what brand of medication he used, how often we dosed, where we infused, how much he needed in the event of a bleed, what prophy was, where his medication was stored along with his supplies, who doses him, and where we get his medication.
And there, in my family room, a new season started. My almost 8-year-old was showing me that he knew more than I thought he did; that he had been quietly listening to all those times we casually talked about his bleeding disorder and showed him this or that.
This new season was made even stronger during his comprehensive appointment a few days later. He shyly, but confidently answered so many questions about his bleeding disorder. He explained the steps of infusion, he knew why he wore a medical alert, what to say if he needed help and I was not with him, and so many other things. And I thought for just a moment that I was able to see this new season of Logan taking control because the last six months our season were not defined by survival, but of more the typical ebb and flow of life with children.
There was, for a brief moment a bit a grief where I could see that one day, he won’t need me or his dad to manage the chaos. I am so grateful that there is less medical stress weighing us down and that I was able to see and welcome this new season of watching Logan grow. And even though I know that at any moment we can be thrust into a season of survival – that may last a day, weeks, months or even years – I hope to watch this season flourish. I will cherish each day and view each new milestone as a sweet reminder of how grateful I am for how far we have come.
Emily, her husband, Geoff, and her children, Logan, Ryan and Payton, live in Minnesota.
*Note: “Infusing Love: A Mom’s View,” is a blog collection of personal opinions and a representation of individuals experiences. While extensive efforts are made to ensure accuracy of the content, the blog entries do not represent HFA or its Board of Directors. The blog is also not intended to be construed as medical advice or the official opinion/position of HFA, its staff, or its Board of Directors. Readers are strongly encouraged to discuss their own medical treatment with their healthcare providers.