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Infusing Love: A Mom's View - A blog dedicated to mothers of children with bleeding disorders.

I grew up an only child raised by my grandparents, so I never had the sibling experience of arguing and fighting with another child in the house.聽 As a mom, that battle between siblings and the idea of sibling rivalry has been a foreign concept to me.聽 Sure, there were periods of my life when I loved being 鈥渁n only鈥 鈥 who wouldn鈥檛 love the direct attention and not having to share your toys?聽 But as I got older, and my mother鈥檚 medical care fell solely on my shoulders, I would have loved to have had a brother or a sister to lean on.

I wrestled a lot with missing out on the sibling experience when my two older kids, Nora and Thomas, were in their toddler stage.聽 I had just lost my mom and was still trying to figure out this motherhood thing, along with coming to grips with having a child diagnosed with a chronic illness.聽 Throw in two sweet, but active children born only 20 months apart and some days it felt like sibling rivalry was more than I could handle.

As a child of the 80鈥檚, I grew up reading Shel Silverstein and, in fact, he remains my favorite poet to this day.聽 Little did I know when I began reading his poems that Mr. Silverstein would influence my parenting style. .聽 After one particularly hard morning of spilled milk, dirty diapers, a Cheerio explosion in my kitchen and two rambunctious toddlers arguing and hitting one another, I pulled 鈥淲here the Sidewalk Ends鈥 off a shelf and tried to engage the kids in something a little more quiet and controlled.

As I read silly poems aloud and showed off cute drawings to Nora and Thomas, the atmosphere began to change.聽 We giggled together and the mood lightened.聽 And then, as if Mr. Silverstein knew I needed a good offensive weapon in the sibling rivalry war that was being waged in our house, this poem appeared:

hug o war

Nora and Thomas were immediately drawn in. 鈥淗ug O鈥 War,鈥 they squealed with delight.聽聽 And so they began 鈥 they hugged and giggled and wrestled (typically every hemophilia mother鈥檚 nightmare 鈥 but not in this case.聽 They were happy and not fighting! 鈥淪uccess鈥 is what I was silently crying in my head!)聽 Over the next several weeks, I would catch them rolling around on the living room floor, embracing in 鈥淗ug O鈥 War.鈥

When an inevitable fight over a toy or my undivided attention would break out, I鈥檇 declare 鈥淗ug O鈥 War,鈥 and they鈥檇 have to drop their angry attitude and hug one another.聽 Surely, it鈥檚 a scientific fact that you can鈥檛 hug someone and be angry, because whatever issue had caused the irritation would be wiped away when Nora and Thomas would hug.

Somewhere over the years, 鈥淗ug O鈥 War鈥 stopped in our house.聽 I鈥檓 not sure why.聽 The sibling issues certainly haven鈥檛 stopped.聽 Rightfully so, Nora sometimes feels anger and frustration that Thomas鈥檚 medical needs often trump everything else.聽 Thomas feels anger and frustration that Nora, and younger sister, Natalie, have their own special sisters鈥 relationship and that they don鈥檛 have to take time to infuse or miss school or miss an outing due to a bleed.

They may not be toddlers anymore, but I wonder if 鈥淗ug O鈥 War鈥 could work in my now tween-aged children 鈥 would it still elicit fits of laughter and help to ease some of the tension that happens between siblings? Will it help me survive the ensuing adolescent years when they come at me with attitude and sass?

I might just start a war tonight when they get home from school 鈥 a 鈥淗ug O鈥橶ar.鈥

_________________________

Sonji lives with her husband, Nathan, and three children Nora (12), Thomas, (10), & Natalie (8) in Colorado.

*Note: 鈥淚nfusing Love: A Mom鈥檚 View,鈥 is a blog collection of personal opinions and a representation of individuals experiences. While extensive efforts are made to ensure accuracy of the content, the blog entries do not represent HFA or its Board of Directors. The blog is also not intended to be construed as medical advice or the official opinion/position of HFA, its staff, or its Board of Directors. Readers are strongly encouraged to discuss their own medical treatment with their healthcare providers.

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