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looking for ways to cope with the new challenges spoken aloud: support, safety and trust. This vo-
of HIV and HCV. We were a small group of three cabulary of emotion, while powerful, did not have
or four men who met one night per month. One a place in the early chaos of the hemophilia health
of the guys had even attended some AIDS support crisis. We simply attempted to gather, and through
groups for gay men, although he was not gay, our collective action, slowly build the connections
because there was no support group for men in that would eventually create the support, the safe-
the hemophilia community at that time. He was ty and the trust that, as it turns out, most boys and
happy and relieved to finally find a place to sit with men really do want and need with each other.
his blood brothers and talk about the new world
they had to navigate. We met in people’s living Building Community
rooms, steering clear of the sterile clinic rooms at
the hospital which were simply another reminder Little by little our men’s group attendance in-
of the many medical challenges the men faced. creased. Our Northern California coverage area
was enormous, but by the end of 1990, two men’s
As our meetings continued from month to month, groups were meeting every month, both centered
I asked these men to think about other guys they around the Bay Area. One group served those who
knew who had hemophilia and HIV who might lived on the peninsula between San Francisco and
want to join us. As I met men with hemophilia San Jose, and the other served the East Bay region
through my own day-to-day work, I would ask including Oakland, Berkeley and Hayward. With-
them if I could add them to my mailing list. in a few years, both groups had an average at-
Each month I mailed out an announcement to tendance of 6-8 men each month. Word of mouth
let people know where the group was meeting was starting to work. Men who attended realized
and when. Light refreshments were provided but there actually was some safety and camaraderie
the word “support” did not appear anywhere in in gathering together each month to share coping
my outreach efforts. Back then, no one wished to strategies and support. Some fathers attended. One
openly admit that they needed any. dad, in particular, came regularly so he could help
his young son navigate through his life with severe
Something I understood from the beginning was Factor VIII deficiency. Around this time, there were
that boys and men are taught to be wary of one also some larger hemophilia and HIV couples’ re-
another. Boys learn early in life to be competi- treats happening in our region where word of our
tive and that showing any kind of vulnerability men’s groups spread. Word spread slowly. We also
to others can invite harm. Boys learn these pain- started offering outings like barbecues and sport-
ful lessons on the playground at school, on sports ing events at that time.
teams and on the streets. Men continue to play by
these same rules in business, in the military and in One man named Joe (not his real name) had told
politics. I knew that if I hoped to build a sense of me during my early outreach efforts in 1989 that
community with men, three words were not to be “if he needed any information about HIV/AIDS, he
BLOOD BROTHERHOOD 11
