Dear Port:
Over the past five years you were a big part of how well I did infusing my son, Laithan. As much as he would fight me during infusions by moving around, I knew that I could always count on you to work.
Don’t blame yourself for having to be removed! In five years I had no complaints and I owe you a huge thank you. You gave me the freedom to infuse at home, three times a week, without having to wait for a nurse. We enjoyed some great vacations together infusing in the Smoky Mountains and at North Carolina beaches. I can’t even count the number of emergency room visits that were avoided because you were there. Prior to you, my son’s best vein to stick was in the scalp of his head! How a nurse figured that out I have no idea, but after the veins in his arms and feet kept blowing, there weren’t many options left until you came along.
While preparing Laithan for your removal, I knew that this would be a huge change to our routine. He had become accustomed to one-stick infusions. I knew I may have to stick him twice for a peripheral stick. The thought of his needle phobia returning makes me wonder if I am mad to let 
you leave our lives. However, I remember our training period where I had to learn how to hold you still and just how far I had to push the needle in to get a good blood return. I shall concur the butterfly needle too!
We had our bad days. I will not miss being in the hospital for a week fighting an infection within you, then coming home and doing every eight-hour antibiotic treatment. They were few and far between, but any hospital stay is one too many. That is the reason why we have to say our goodbyes now, so we can part on a happy note! I don’t want you forced out by a nasty port infection that will not leave.
I do feel selfish saying goodbye to you because I’m ready, but Laithan may want you to stick around longer. I just have to be confident in myself that I will become a “vein-ologist” and getting rid of you will not cause him to have needle phobia again.
The doctors told me it was against hospital policy for us keep you. I would have loved for Laithan to keep you as a souvenir! Instead, as I gave him one last kiss before they rolled him into surgery I also kissed you goodbye.
A week or so after your removal, Laithan gave me a hug and I thought he felt warm. My instincts automatically went into “port infection worry” and I was ready to get the thermometer, until I remembered — you were gone! I was so ecstatic that I could shake that fear off; I kissed and hugged Laithan and yelled, “We don’t have to worry about fevers and  line infections anymore!”
We will miss you, dear port. But it was time to say our goodbyes.
Sincerely,
Lovee, Hemo Mom
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Lovee’ lives in South Carolina with her husband, Charles, and her children, MaRee’ (17), Marques (13), Laithan and Layla (6).
*Note: “Infusing Love: A Mom’s View,” is a blog collection of personal opinions and a representation of individuals experiences. While extensive efforts are made to ensure accuracy of the content, the blog entries do not represent HFA or its Board of Directors. The blog is also not intended to be construed as medical advice or the official opinion/position of HFA, its staff, or its Board of Directors. Readers are strongly encouraged to discuss their own medical treatment with their healthcare providers.
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